Reviewing “connections”…

Reviewing my “connections”, who is the connection?
First of all, when do I hear from these “friends”?
For nearly all, it is seldom to never unless I’ve made the contact.
Second, in the context of a long-term friendship, and a fellow senior, a true friend would allow the discussion on any topic available. Thus we exchange our understanding and learn from each other.
Thus the conclusion. There are those that are very rare. Nearly all I know will simply not allow for certain topics. The evaluation and reflection of this are that this is not a friendship or a good relationship. It is an abusive one. All topics in a healthy relationship are open to discussion. Thus we learn our differences, come to a new understanding, and both people move forward to a better life. Therefore nearly everyone I know now in later life is simply a distance contact. Yes, they are very close should I reach out. But I almost never experience the contact in reverse. On the rare occasions that I hear from someone, it is because I have the knowledge they need to solve a problem.
This is careful consideration based on the memory of prior interactions.
The list of noteworthy responses they give, why I conclude a relationship is abusive goes as follows:

— ”I don’t like the way you think.”
— ”You’re too smart of us, we don't’ want you here.”
— ”Don’t want a know-it-all around.”
— ”I’m too old to change.”
— ”If you are not asked, keep your mouth shut, we don’t want to know.”
— ”F*ck Howard, I can’t compete with you.”
— ”If you don’t like it here, why don’t you move.”
— “F*ck, do you have to be good at everything.”
— ”I’ll pray for you.”
— ”You’re a perfectionist, you will never survive here.”
— “Howard, your problem is, your memory is too good.”
— ”Howard, you don’t have to say a word, and I find you offensive.”
— ”You don’t smoke/drink? What, you think you’re better than us?”

I have written previously the observations with bonobo’s trained to play a game. The high reward a grape, the fail gave a cucumber. The primate observed the reward given to the other two players as a grape for the same achievement, but it received the cucumber, a lesser value. After three unfair rounds, it threw a temper tantrum and refused to play the game anymore. The primate, of which we are, observes “unfairness”.
We all achieve throughout our life opportunities to understand the world around us. Some grasp these opportunities and never look back. Others become part of groups of self-indulgence, they find paths of behaviour that gives them what they desire without the effort of learning and understanding. Once we assumed that the age of maturity was the late teen years. However, today with the advancement of diagnostics, we know that the human mind continues to grow and develop until about the age of thirty.
The patterns I observe, are that there are two distinct groups. Those that continue to learn throughout their life, and those that don’t. There is a sub-group, those that are incapable of learning for genetic and/or biological causes.
The conclusion, therefore, is this. Those that disallow topical discussions are like the bonobo that observed unfairness. A temper tantrum is their only response. Life has already been lived. They can’t turn back time and start again. Those in early teen years that move forward into the adult world by means of addictions have compromised their ability to understand. Mental impairment is permanent as a result of the two major substances, cigarettes and alcohol. Peer pressure early years convinced them that these adoptions of consumption were a path to maturity and understanding. Now in their senior years, the self-denial and anguish of observation of other’s lives become unmanageable.
Now a senior, the tantrums of a bonobo level of cognitive understanding are all around me. The reality is becoming more self-evident, there is almost no one left to talk to. To share, to go further, to continue the desire to “know more”. Most gravitate to full-blown dementia and their families and spouses can no longer live with them. The observation is that many decades of self-medication has reduced their reasoning and logic to near zero. I must add here when the pursuit of knowledge and understanding was never part of their life, they simply do not have the resources available to use logic or reason. Historical data over a lifetime is required to then apply logic and reason and arrive at conclusions. “Because I said so…” is all they have left.

Enjoy the “read”, understand that to be alone is ok. Do not be depressed because you have been rejected by those mentioned. They are the ones to feel sorry for. Learn to appreciate your accomplishments and goal fulfillments that you have experienced. “They” will never understand your personal self-content. Those that are not capable of understanding what has happened, will simply act out against you through their primeval awareness of “unfairness”. They are beyond where the steps through life can be explained.